Friday, 18 November 2011

The greatest accomplishment is not in never falling, but in rising again after you fall

This is a bit of a funny story. Probably, as with most stories it was funnier being there, but none-the-less ... hilarious! .. so i'm sharing. I was at the gym the other day with my friend Anne-Marie, tall, skinny, gorgeous girl, but in step aerobics it seems not so co-ordinated. We were mid-step class, most of us had got the routine down and were speeding it up. Anne lost her footing, i didn't quite see whether she tripped over the box or over thin air, but she went down. But no, it wasn't just your average 'You've Been Framed'-esque fall to the floor, she kind of steadied herself on the way down by grabbing the trousers of the girl behind her. But then decided to fall some more, still keeping hold of this poor woman's trousers ... taking them with her .. to the ground. At this point i, in hysterics, carried on with the routine that involved me turning around ... Anne, however, swears this lass had no knickers on .. of any kind. Glad i didn't see to be fair. Who goes to the gym knickerless?! ... mind you she probably could have never imagined that they'd end up round her ankles. I've never seen anyone run from the gym so quick when the class was over, this lass near on ran! Anne and I ended up leaving the gym half an hour late because we were literally bent over, crying with laughter ... made my week .. worth the monthly gym fee alone!

Some of the gems Anne came out with after the epic event:
'i felt mound'
'i saw her vagine' (actually rhyming with machine never heard it called this before).
and just as we were leaving, eventually, she screwed up her face looked at her hands and goes
'ew there's even something under my nail!'

i've told her that she's not going near me in classes again ... and that i'm going to be wearing 3 pairs of pants .. with a belt .. and a padlock.

Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul

Yesterday we had a psychology session at work, we did a little bit of a task that got me thinking. The basic premise is that when we are stressed we forget the simple pleasures, ones that don't particularly cost any money. These are things that stimulate the five senses. Most of our pleasures, most of the stimuli that make life worth living, are derived from our five senses. We had to close our eyes and think of our favourite things that stimulate one of our five sesnes. Taste, touch, sight, sound, smell. Just take a second, think of yours. I'm going to list some of my favourite things that stimulate my five senses (some are ones my colleagues came up with but that i agreed with so stolen).

Taste: Chocolate orange, grapes, truffles, yorkshire puddings, lipstick, Pimms.

Touch: Water, a man's hairy chest, play dough, putting your face in that pin toy we all used to have as kids, kisses.

Sight: Bustling city centres, beaches, a man in a suit, snow, tulips.

Sound: Alfie's giggle, Ed Sheeran's voice, David Bowie's voice, being told a funny story by someone who finds it so funny they can't complete what they are saying because they are finding it hard to breath from laughing.

Smell: Roast dinners, Hugo Boss, candy floss, library books, flowers.

These would all put a bit of a smile on my face, so whenever i've got the face on, i shall look at these and try and indulge in at least the one.

Saturday, 5 November 2011

You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching

It's that time of year again, Strictly Come Dancing is on! I've always been a bit of a Strictly geek, i've watched it from the very beginning, i know liking the reality shows isn't cool .. but i'm anything but cool. I spend most of October/November/December wishing i'd learnt to dance as a child. I'd love to learn now. I did a dance class for a few years, that i loved, which ended recently but that was girls only, i want to dance with a partner. Preferably a handsome male one. There are many dance classes about where you're partnered, but i'm scared at what the men there would be like, old? pervy? weird? Granted a weird one might suit me.

I think i might need to find a man to take myself. I'm willing to try bribary. I want to learn to do a Tango, an Argentine one. Such an intricate, sexy dance ...however, i feel my briary may have to include a lottery jackpot win. I wish men would realise that there is nothing sexier than a man that can dance (Louis Spence being an exception). Hmmph, if i looked like Ola Jordan or Kristina Rhiannof i'd have no problems finding a parner.

Dance is something we are all born with, stick on something that only vaguely resembles music and my baby nephew springs into action, wiggling around in the cutest of ways, give him 10 years and I bet the most we get out of him is a foot tap. It's not that he learnt to dance, he just knew that that was what he was supposed to do to music. So do it. Dance. Even if you resemble someone having a fit when you do, at least you will probably make someone smile (laugh) that's gotta be a good thing, surely?

“You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching,
Love like you'll never be hurt,
Sing like there's nobody listening,
And live like it's heaven on earth.”

-William W. Purkey

Friday, 21 October 2011

He who is greedy is always in want.

So this week I’ve watched a couple of the live Deal or No Deals and it has struck me how greedy people can be. The banker offers someone a reasonable sum, say £5k and the contestants react as if they’ve been offered a tripe sandwich and a signed copy of Jedward’s new book. I’d kill for £5k right now, it’d nicely buy me a second hand car, take me out of my overdraft and pay for me to have a bit of a holiday. Granted if I could choose between £5k and £250k the latter would win, but £5k for opening a few red boxes is a princely sum. I suppose it is a game, and you are supposed to play it, and we all want as much free money as possible, but it just bugs me when the smaller sums (even the red ones) count as a loss rather than a win.

Apparantly tonights estimated jackpot for the Euro Millions was £41 million, which I’d gladly be greedy and take ownership of. Isn't it funny how after all these massive jackpots £1 million seems like not much at all, you wouldn’t want to spend a penny of it, as then you wouldn’t be a millionaire! I forgot to put the lottery on tonight (as i do most weeks if i'm honest) but winning it is the only way i'll ever be monetarily rich, i've never been Miss career girl. Well, i lie, when i was at Uni i couldn't understand these girls that didn't want to work and wanted to do the whole family thing, i thought they were mental. I quickly changed my mind, not because i'm lazy, i've no qualms with working hard, i've done so for many many years and have enjoyed it. But i find the idea of a family much more fulfilling than getting to the top in a chosen career field.

Oh i went off on a tangent, surprise surprise. I started this blog while thinking about what it is i'd do if i won the lottery, i think i'd be rubbish with money, i'd have no clue what to do with it. I'd probably still catch the bus rather than take a first class flight, drink Black Tower rather than Cristal and wear New Look heels rather than Louboutins (ok i might buy a pair of Louboutins ... just 1 pair). I can imagine it takes a little while to get used to the way i have lived for the past 20ish (ahem) years.

The things i'd definately do if i won the lottery:

Pay for Alfie to have all his operations privately.
Put money in a trust fund for Alfie and Molly
Buy my flat to rent out.
Buy a house ... maybe a cottage.
Buy a car.
Make sure everyone i love was comfortable and mortgage free.
Buy Elton John tickets for the B2Net.
Visit Cuba and have a dance lesson on the beach at sunset.
Take all my friends abroad for a massive holiday.

Well .... that was a bit of a mish mash of a blog post .... when i began thinking it through it flowed so well and made so much sense in my head.

Monday, 12 September 2011

11th September 2001

I'm sure nobody managed to escape the fact that yesterday was the 10th anniversary of the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Centre or 9/11 as it's more commonly known. It's often said that you'll always remember what it is you were doing when you heard about the attacks. I kinda remember, my memory though is a bit sketchy. I know i was at home in my bedroom when my friend text me to tell me to put the news on, i can't quite remember what i was doing, clearly not watching telly, i think i may have been reading. Watching the series of events unfold was the singularly mosy distressing thing i have ever, and probably ever will witness. It was the weirdest feeling watching it, it kinda didn't feel real, but then you knew it was .. a real feeling of helplessness. Watching it i wanted to go to Iraq and defeat the Taliban myself singlehandedly. I always wonder where the people who oppose the war in Iraq were on this day, did they not see what i saw? What did they expect the Western world to do after 9/11 go 'oh those silly little extremists, always causing trouble'? War was our only option. It also bugs me when people cry out for us to withdraw our troops, granted, in an ideal world our boys wouldn't be out fighting but unfortunately it's that little bit of a necessity. We can't start a war then just leave everything in disarray, we need to finish what we start. I've many friends and relatives in the army some of whom have been in Afghanistan and Iraq, they don't moan about being there, they understand it's their job and it's what needs to be done. My brother will be being deployed to Afghanistan soon. Yes, it' scary, but as i say to my mum when she worries about him, he's more likely to get hurt on a drunken night out in Chesterfield than he is in Afghan. Not that that makes her feel any better. He's going to help our boys out there make our world a safer place.

When i was about 14 i went on a school trip to New York and we spent a day at the towers, they truely were a magnificant piece or architecture, i was in awe of them. I was too scared to go up them in the lifts so i stayed on the bottom few storeys looking in the shops. I went back to the towers on the 2nd year anniversary of the attacks, i was quite keen to see the contrast between the two visits, the fact that it was a 9/11 anniversary was a coincidence, it wasn't planned. It was highly emotional, there was a massive memorial showing the names of all the victimes from that dreadful day making out the words 'never forget' it bought a tear to the most ardent of eyes. It didn't seem anything like the bustling place i visited when i was 14, it was still bustling .... with tourists .... as it was all those years ago, but as you can imagine it was much more of a sombre place ... i wonder what it's like 10 years on, i imagine not much less sombre.

I cannot begin to imagine what any of the people involved in 9/11 felt on that day or what any of their loved ones have felt in the aftermath but my heart goes out to them at this difficult time, whether it be the anniversary of that fateful day or one of the other 364 days of the year.

Saturday, 10 September 2011

I have had a holiday, and I'd like to take it up professionally.

I'd not been on holiday for near on 5 years, so when i decided to go on one, as you can imagine, i was ready for it. The reason i worked on my dads market this summer was to save money so that i could go away. I went with my friend Sarah, we don't know where we wanted to go, we just knew we wanted somewhere all inclusive, somewhere hot and somewhere cheap. The place that perfectly fit this bill was Turkey. We booked to go to a little picturesque mountainous part called Ovacik near Fethiye and Hisaranu. We didn't fancy going somewhere too built up, touristy and commercialised so Ovacik was perfect.

We didn't arrive until about 4am in the morning so we didn't get to see much of our hotel, our room was pretty small, but since we only intended on sleeping and showering here we wasn't too bothered, it was clean and at that point that's all that mattered. We got up the first morning (about 4 hours after going to bed) to glorious sunshine and went for breakfast. This was one of very few times that we got up for breakfast, not necessarily because we are lazy but being a Muslim country they don't have sausages and bacon and stuff, so, for me, it was basically just toast ... although there might have been a little truth in the laziness reason, sleep definately trumps toast! The gardens and the pool area of the Destina hotel were beautiful, and the mountainous veiws were something else. That first day me and Sarah had a Turkish bath, we were exfoliated, foam massaged, and then had a face mask and oil massages. The massages were glorious, the Turkish bath part was nice although i must admit i'm wasn't keen on it being performed by a middle aged Turkish man. At one point i was laid there thinking 'arghh that exfoliator mitt is going a bit high up the thigh!' and 'yeah i think you've exfoliated my cleavage enough there love' ... the bloke was pretty harmless mind and i think i'm just that little bit of a prude.

Sarah and I are quite big fans of the vodka which is why we went for the all inclusive option, we thought even if we didn't really like the food we'd save a small fortune on the alcohol. So that first night we went to the bar for our first vodka, then i popped to the bar for a second, still drinking the first while walking past the bar Sarah decided to grab a third, i went for a fourth, this carried on since we were aware that the bar shut at 11pm and we didn't want to have to buy our drinks, we thought getting a stash in was the way to go ... BIG mistake ... one minute i went 'i'm not really feeling this vodka' and the next i'm being escourted up the stairs to our room by a Turkish man concerned with my ability, or lack thereof, to manouvre them. We were in bed for midnight, and a few hours afterwards i was that little bit sick, and Sarah was sick all the next morning, so i was lucky in a way, that i wasn't too bad the next morning. We learnt a lesson, foreign vodka is lethal! Needless to say the next night we stayed tea total and the nights after that we were a bit more cautious with the vodka!

A few days in we did the 12 Island or 'Cruise the Blues' tour. We got to stop at 4 small islands for a swim in the sea, which i loved, i love the water, i'm definately a water baby. But admitedly while swimming i was thinking of that poor bloke that got eaten by a shark on his honeymoon. We were pretty far out at sea, there must have been alsorts of creatures of the deep below our feet ... i made sure i swam near people that looked much more like shark bait than me, ahem, meatier people <3 and made sure my legs weren't down the deepest, swimming with my feet quite close to the surface .... my dramatic mind coming back into play it seems! Sunbathing on deck was gorgeous, there was a lovely breeze to make the intense Turkish sun more bareable. There was a weird photographer man onboard though that made me and Sarah pose for awful photographs on deck and then tried to get us to go back in his car after for a 'tour of his city' instead of on the coach with everybody else, like that was happening!

Even though i don't really have anything other than praise for the country, it is beautiful, one thing i wasn't keen on was the toilets, in Turkey you are not allowed to flush toilet paper down the toilets! How warped is that?! Why don't they build a few less hotels and sort out some proper sanitation? I was so glad i was sharing wth Sarah and not a boy, a boys toilet habits would not have been welcomed in my hotel room for sure! Not flushing toilet paper down the toilet was a hard habit to get into i was often going 'ooops i went all English' .... and lilos ... wtf is wrong with lilos! I thought i was dying blowing mine up, it took me one night and one morning to do, i was seriously contemplating just throwing the deflated bit of green plastic in and seeing what the chances were of me floating on that, i'm lighter than i used to be and everything! .. tip .. buy a ready blown up one.

One of the most memorable moments involved a wasp. If you know me you will know how petrified of the things i am, i once queued for almost an hour for Oblivion at Alton Towers only to run back out of the queue, weaving through people being chased by an evil little wasp. I don't do the ridiculous 'stand still and it'll go away' malarky, i do the run like a maniac so it gets away from me malarky .. and i have to run in a sporadic twisty turny way to confuse it. Anyway, Turkey wasps are big daddy wasps, i swear, near on the size of my fist, ahem, kinda. One evening we came back after a hard days sunbathing by the pool only to find one sat on our bathroom light staring at us. After freaking out like girls and a 10 minute discussion on how to get rid of it so that we don't have to sleep in the coridoor we decided the best thing to do was to arm ourselves with a lilo each and throw a flip flop at it. Sarah threw the flip flop (my flip flop) missed the wasp entirely, but of course didn't manage to miss the toilet. I'm sure the wasp was laughing at us. We'd opened the main room door hoping if we did get it to move it would fly straight out when a maid walked past to see two hysterical English girls hugging lilos as if they were a coat of armour. This maid spoke zero English, so, after a few minutes of us miming wasp (speedily flapping our arms and buzzing) she went 'oh', grabbed some tissue paper, and casual as anything killed the wasp and put it in the bin .... that night ... we were scared of the bin.

I don't know whether any of you have ever been to a Turkish market but it's an experience i recommend everyone have. It's so funny. In Turkey they have no copyright laws so the markets are full of 'genuine fakes' they do look very good, Louis Vuitton, Mulberry, Christian Dior, they have them all, and they try everything in their power to sell them to you. Giving you apple tea, flattering you, taking you by the hand and physically dragging you into their stall ... some of the lines they come out with are amazing 'cheaper than Primark!' 'cheaper than Poundland!' 'Cheaper than stealing!' 'Come and get your quality crap' 'as good as off the back of a lorry'. Sarah became 'J-Lo' and me 'Shakira' ... yeah i'm still a brunette, i think these were the only Western female celebrities that they knew. One was selling underwear and was shouting at me that i could get my 'big knickers' off him .. i think telling him i didn't wear knickers was a mistake though since i was trying to dissipate his attentions. It was a funny morning tbf, not for the meek though.

The last day we got a bit cultural and went on the Dalaman tour, we got to see the tombs where they used to bury the royalty, they were magnificant ... we also got to see giant sea tutles being fed .. i would quite like one of these as a pet ... i have a bath. We got to have a mud bath also, i can't quite decide whether i liked this or not, it was bizarre smearing yourself in mud then sunbathing until it set ... but my skin did feel pretty soft afterwards.

All in all it was a fabulous holiday, i enjoyed getting away from it all and me and Sarah had a laugh. Turkey is definately somewhere i'd visit again, probably to the same area, i don't fancy the lively resorts. I've got a nice bit of colour ... even if it is mainly the freckles! and the rest from working was sorely needed. Miss me?

a bit of pictorial eveidence that i actually went:

 View from our balcony every evening at 7pm
 The harbour we set off from for our boat tour in Fethiye
 The walk from our room to the pool
 Dalaman Tombs
Turtle Beach

Saturday, 6 August 2011

Each murder is one too many

So, there is a bit if an e-campaign to try and get the death penalty reintroduced. I've had a bit of a think about this, do i think it should be reintroduced? Ultimately, no, although i can see why people do. If i lost a loved one of mine to a predatory monster i'd probably want them dead too. It could only be a positive to not have these beasts alive, them being alive always leaves the chance that might be released, and even if not, we have to pay for their existance, their TVs, their playstations, their parties... as the media would have us believe. These are the only reasons that i agree with as to why it should be reintroduced. However, for me, the reasons to not reintroduce it far outweighs the reasons to reintroduce it.

To kill someone, is the ultimate act of barbarity, these monstors never took into consideration the right to life of those they murdered, so why should we take into account the right they have to live? Because who would aminister the death? A member of the victims family? A doctor? Whoever it is, they will have killed someone, granted not in a way defined as murder, but they have still played God and taken someones life. I wouldn't like the job.

Would it deter those with murderous tendances from comitting their crimes? I can't see that it would. I don't think people just fancy murdering somebody one day because they are bored, it is either spur of the moment thing (crime of passion) or they are tapped in the head and will do what they are being compelled to do whatever their punshment if caught, they obviously have no regard for human life and this probably extends to their own. The death penalty has been used in the US for a long time, has it cut down on their murder rates? No. They still have an overwhelming amount of murders. I rememeber reading somewhere that the murder rates are, in general, lower in those states where capital punishment has been abolished.

I'm less inclined to agree with the worry that innocent people may be convicted and subsequently killed, maybe it's naive of me, but i don't think the courts would sentence people to death unless there is no doubt of their guilt. Even a slight doubt i believe would/should require the reduced sentence of life imprisonment. But granted, it's a possibilty that is there, i believe history states that innocents have been wrongly sentenced before. But with the technology we have now this shouldn't happen.

What do i think we should do with murderers? I think life should mean life, they should be locked up, solitary confinement for life, in a room with little more than a bed and toilet, with enough food and water to provide a pitiful exsistance. Death for them, in my eyes, is a cop out.

Thursday, 14 July 2011

Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all

My Dad’s a market trader so I’ve been exposed to markets all my life. I’ve decided to do a bit of a blog about it because I’ve been manning his stall for him recently while he’s been away, so seems apt.
My earliest memory is of ‘helping’ him on his fruit and veg stall, I must have been a tiny little girl as it was a long long time ago. I remember feeling really grown up helping to hammer the fruit boxes to the stall … I was allowed to use the hammer and nails, the actual hammer and nails, I felt like one of the adults. Inevitably one of my memories of this involves me actually managing to hammer my finger/thumb and balling my eyes out. I was young so I can’t imagine I did it with much force, but it definitely hurt. I liked it once the stall was all ready because I got to sit on a banana box with a Macdonalds Happy Meal. Or there was going to a place early in the morning, where I slept all the way in my dad’s massive van, seemed like a weird alternate universe to me because everyone was loud and wide awake, but it was dark and I was tired. But wherever it was we always had the nicest bag of toast (which is why I’ve decided it must have been early morning and not late at night). Since growing up I figured it was probably a place where he got his stock from.
My next memory is of being much older, at a guess 14/15 years old. I worked with my Dad on Gainsborough market … sorry if any of you are from there, but Gainsborough really is a dive, I felt like I was risking life every day just being there ... all the teenage boys had that exaggerated limp and the girls wore scruchies, ew. At this point we were selling household stuff, you know, bleach, shampoo, sponges, toilet rolls … glamorous stuff. I was a moody teenager at this point .. and hated it. My dad used to do the market trader shouty thing to get people to the stall, there was no way I was doing this! ‘HAVE A LOOK ROUND AT A POUND!’ … which use to bug me because there is zero sence in this sentence, it didn't cost £1 to look around, we didn't charge for looking. I got paid £20 for working from 5am til about 6/7pm, and when i decided i wanted company and took my friend Emma to help we got £10 each .... child labour surely!
Anyway, the reason for this blog is that i've been doing my Dads markets while he's been on holiday ... all on my own!! Driving a pretty large van to the markets (when i drive a teeny tiny KA) at 6am in the mornings and unloading, staying until 6pm and loading all the stock back on the van. I'm definately not built for manual labour! I did have a young lad that was supposed to help me load and unload but he was rubbish at the actual turning up stuff. My friend Sarah was a bit of a star and came to help me when she could. I quite enjoyed the actual day part because it's fabulous for people watching, you see alsorts, from chavs causing disruption, to domestics, to just people in 'oh my god what is she wearing' outfits. I also saw a man run off with a womans bag shortly followed by a security guard nonchalantly strolling back with it in hand like some modern day superhero (lol @ modern day superhero sounding like i believe that there were olden day super heroes and that they exist). Undoubtedly the weirdest thing i saw was an old man on a moblity scooter holding his legs up in the air a few inches as if he couldn't put his feet down, then he went into the library and came back out a few minutes later with some library books on the floor of the scooter with his feet resting on them. Ingenius use of library books, although i couldn't help but wonder why he didn't get something more permenant, he's only gonna have to return them in a few months.

Markets are hard work, tiring, but i have found certain aspects enjoyable, it has taught me invaluable life skills, how to handle money, how to do on the spot maths but most importantly how to deal with the general public, it's one thing to serve a customer, another to be able to banter with a complete stranger .. this i believe i'm good at, because of the markets.

Sunday, 15 May 2011

Life swings like a pendulum backward and forward between pain and boredom

It's Sunday evening, i'm tired, i have Pirates of the Caribbean on in the background, noone is talking to me, i am bored.  But as well as being bored i'm feeling lazy.  So i thought i'd do a nice simple blog, one that doesn't involve too much thinking or reasoning.
I'm going to do a list of things i like ... oh that sounds rather lame.  But anyway, i've tried not to be too obvious with my list .. i mean if i put 'spending time with friends, going on holiday' ... it would give no insight into me, as, unless you are a bit of a weird, reclusive, agrophobic bizarre person, everybody likes being with their friends and having holidays.
Ok i'll stop blathering ... my list:

conversations with weird strangers
the smell of library books
the Nephew's giggle
knowing what people are thinking
unexpected texts from him
saying something purely to get a reaction
making people jump
that moment just before the cork pops when you can feel the pressure
racing for the good luck grates
kisses you remember
tying ties
butterfly kisses
having ice
when he gives me that look
free stuff
in jokes
when the hair works
visiting a new city
having a long conversation with someone with an accent, then when they are waiting for my response going 'ya what?'
lame jokes
slightly inappropriate laughter that is made worse by the trying to stifle it.
made up words

I'm sure there's many more for the list ... i will probably add to it.

Friday, 22 April 2011

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional

I've always had this slight little fear of aging. Wrinkles i'm scared of, having to wear Tena Ladies i'm scared of, aches and pains i'm scared of, droopiness i'm scared of, illness i'm scared of, seeing the wrinkly bum of an old man i'm scared of (cheers Sex and The City), greying i'm scared of, starting to like lavender i'm scared of, losing family and friends i'm scared of, backache i'm scared of, WIs i'm scared of, liking ornaments i'm scared of, buying Wearthers Originals i'm scared of ... i'm most scared at the being old thing.
Ok .. what am i leading to? ..... yes, i'm still in my 20s .. but 30 i can see in the not so distant future, and today i was shopping. How does this make me feel old? Well .. i was walking towards Next in Meadowhall and i near on bumped into two teenage boys. As this happened one looked up and went 'Wow' ... i quite liked this, because tbf i was feeling a bit rough, i was tired, i'd spent all morning doing Zumba and i was hot. His mate nodded at him, but then his brain kicked in and he went 'bit old though mate' .... what? I'd have slapped them, if i wasn't pretending to have not heard ... and if they didn't look like potential happy slappers, i just tried my hardest to 'look young' as i walked away. How much is botox?
I AM NOT OLD!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, 2 April 2011

Knock knock ... Who's there? .... Banana ...

Oh good evening,

Last Sunday i had an impromptu visit to the City Hall in Sheffield to see the genius that is Jimmy Carr.  Turns out if you book a couple of days before the event you can get pretty decent seats ... row D in the stalls ... who'd have thought?!
He was pretty brilliant.  But me, being the blonde i am, can't remember much of it .. no i wasn't drunk.  I just remember it being really funny.  He is King at beating down hecklers, even invites them into heckling.

So to recap on this highly informative blog post ... i went to see a comedian ... and he was funny ... oh the insight.

And i'm up at 6am tomorrow to do a car boot :( so if anyone comes across me i shall be highly grumpy.

Friday, 11 February 2011

Happy Birthday

Evening all, i've not been blogging much of late .. i've been really busy, ok ok, lazy. So i thought i'd pop by and just do a short blog about what it is that i've been up to.
Firstly 27th of January was the Birthday of my beautiful baby Nephew, Alfie. His first. He's such a sweetheart and considering all his heart problems a little superstar. Still not had to have any operations and they thought he'd need some straight after birth, so i'm completely proud. He had a Mickey Mouse themed birthday party and was spoilt rotten ... i bet it'll seem like no time at all until i'm blogging about his 18th! ... man i'll be old.
I spent last weekend in Newcasle, the first time i had visited the city. It was a lovely city, even if they do all talk funny. I lost count of the amount of times i said 'ya what?' (oh my Derbyshire accent is so beautiful and eloquant). If i'm completely honest i didn't see much of it except for the hotels and pubs, but i had a fabulous time none the less.
During my Saturday night out i did have an altercation with a bouncer. He was a complete and utter idiot (my words on the night were much stronger). I was sat on some steps in front of a fire exit because my feet hurt, and he came up behind me put his hands under my arms and pulled me to my feet. Literally throwing me in the air in the process and hurting all down my sides. Granted i shouldn't have been sat infront of a fire door, but how hard would it have been to gone 'excuse me love, you can't sit there'
Although ... i suppose .. with his accent, i wouldn't have understood him.
He realised he'd hurt me though ... mainly because i was a complete girl and cried .. but he kept out of my way for the rest of the night. Which, even though he was 5 times my size (and i'm anything but small) .. wise. I spent the rest of the night going 'i'm going to write a strongly worded email in the morning.' I didn't ........ effort.
Oh and i was told at the doctors by my nurse this week, that i had lost a stone ... go me :D

Monday, 24 January 2011

Wolves, Cannibals, Serial Killers and Doggers ...

Okay, so, some time last week i got an email from my friend Helen saying she was coming up my way to do a 6 mile walk around Mansfield with our friends Nikki and Vee and asked me if i wanted to join them.  Now, they're doing this to train for a 26 mile walk that they are doing for a Breast Cancer charity.  I'm not doing this walk but since i'm trying currently to get fitter i thought 'why not?.'

The last time i did a walk i did an 8 mile walk around Carsington Water and by about mile 5 i was dragging my right leg behind me propping myself up on a big stick ... but i did complete it.  The reason for this is i was the type of girl who never wore flat shoes.  I wore at least 4 inch heels everyday, so my calves couldn't put up with such a distance in flats.  Walking on tip toes helped.  But since i've been wearing flats religiously for a good couple of years now i thought i'd be ok.

We set off, the 4 of us along with Nikki's daughter Ferne, friend Maxine and her dog Jaz.  We set off that little bit late ... mainly because we are women and things like gossiping, tea and cakes easily distract us.  It was gone 3 by the time we set off i think.  We were walking through Sherwood Park, which has many different routes through the forest all of varying lengths.  We decided on doing the 6 mile one, not too little, not to much.  You choose a trail, follow that coloured markers and arrows in sequential number order.  At some point someone said the 6 mile route goes up to number 20.  We saw 1, 2 ..... 3 ... there was a small diversion but that eventally put us back on track ... we carried on counting.  We all seemed to be coping ok ... my legs, on the whole .... worked ... by about 16 i could feel my right leg giving me a bit of jip, but not too much.  I soldiered on.  All the way round we nattered and had a laugh.  We passed 19 ... got that little bit excited when we could see another marker in the distance .. not only because we were nearing the end but because the sun was rapidly setting, and we wanted to get back to Nikki's for food, vodka and games.  We got to marker 20, couldn't see the carpark so just followed the direction of the marker ... another one came into sight ... 21 ... then came 22.  Ok it must be 30 it goes up to not 20.  It was getting dark, i'd developed a bit of a limp, eveyone else was feeling it too but we could cope to 30.  But when 29 eventually appeared i was feeling somewhat relieved ..... More so when i could see another marker in the distance ...

12 f*cking 12! ... the marker said 12 .... 1 to 29 to 12!  in what warped method of counting does this occur?!!

By this point it was dark, the ground was muddy and uneven and we couldn't see where we were putting our feet. Somone said 'at least it hasn't rained' ... then it rained,  But we had no option but to follow the direction of the arrows and pray they didn't count up to infinity.  Now anyone that knows me, will tell you i have a pretty overactive imagination.  But i felt it was pretty justified given the situation.  I realised that this forest, at night, would be the perfect place for a serial killer to hide out, lots of trees and shadows to hide behind ... and wildlife, there had to be tons of wildlife in such a dense area of forestry ... wolves?  Don't wolves live in the forest ... one went for Little Red Riding Hood in broad daylight ... we were surely potential wolf food!  Luckily i'm not silly enough to worry about them being warewolves ... it wasn't even a full moon! lol. 

Seriously i was that little bit scared.  I lost count of the amount of times i said 'i've seen horror movies that go like this'  Every time i pointed out a particularly dark, scary bit of forest, the next marker arrow would point us in that very direction! There was even a random car aboned in the middle of the forest ... Hells thought there could be people erm .. fornicating in the back, Nikki thought probably doggers ... i reasoned that a serial killer must get into the woods somehow ... funny how different peoples minds work!  At about marker 20 (the second time around ... i seriously thought we would just be going in a circle for all of eternity) we could see in the distance a flickering orange light ... could i imagine this to be something sinister? .... Course i could!  Cannibals .... Cannibals living in a forest would need a fire to cook their prey surely ... this orange flickering light .. said fire!!

Well, since i'm writing this ... you can presume we got out alive .. either that or i'm still wandering through the forest but weirdly with a laptop and broadband connetion ... surprising what you can find in the forest along with the ghosts and ghouls ... It turns out, this trail goes from 1 to 30 then 12 to 21 ... and the flickering orange light was the light of a security vehicle keeping watch over our cars, which, since the park had closed and it had been dark for hours were the only vehicles left in the car park.  I've never been so glad to see a car in my whole life.  My right leg had been walking on sheer will for the past 5 miles  We deducted we walked approx 9 miles ... my suggestion .... 38 miles ... felt like it.

When we got back we binged on pizza, curly fries and cupcakes ... we'd more than earned it.

............ could only happen to us!

Wednesday, 12 January 2011

One Born Every Minute

Monday night i watched 'One Born Every Minute' on channel 4.  For those of you that aren't familiar with it it's basically a documentary set on a maternity ward.  I love it.  It confuses me immensely though.  One minute i think 'there's no way on earth i am ever having a baby ... ouch' the next i'm thinking 'awwww i want one!'  The pain looks hideously horrendous and i'm the biggest wimp in the world.  One thing it has made me realise, when i have children, i want an epidural .... scratch that, 3 epidurals.  Or i might attempt to be too posh to push ..

or i might just buy one.

This week it showed two births, one was a woman who screamed the hospital down ... i realise it hurts, but seriously, she was flailing about as if she was drowning, kicking the end of the bed, almost jumping out of it ... dramatic.  Even after she'd had an epidural, she was still pretty vocal.  I found her irritating, but quite amusing  To be fair on her though, she did say before she went into labour that she wasn't good with pain.  The second was a woman who ended up having to have an emergency C-Section after being induced .... as if i'm even going to attempt to spell that word.  This was pretty similar to my sisters labour.  I was there for the majority of it, until she got rushed to theatre for her C-Section ... pretty scary stuff.

Overall, interesting opening episode.

It's on on Monday nights at 9pm ... watch it ... or +1 it ... Glee is on E4.

Sunday, 9 January 2011

All that glitters ....

This week has been pretty uneventful, i worked, then got a bit tipsy at the weekend with a few of my favourite people.  There was one thing however, which was that tiny bit weird.  Thursday, i found a ring in my handbag.  Quite an old looking amethyst and diamond gold ring.  I had never seen it before in my life.  It was very bizarre, my handbag is full of crap to be fair, so it could have been in there for ages before being discovered.  My Mum thought it might have been one of hers ... if it was, it somehow got from a box in her wardrobe, in her bedroom, at her house, into my handbag.  When i showed it her though, she'd never seen it before.

I put it down to someone, somewhere accidently dropping it into my handbag ... Until last night, when i was in a hotel in Birmingham, i dug into my handbag to look for a lipstick ... i found a ring .. a different ring .. silver, with white and red stones in (one stone missing), this, i had also never seen before in my life.  This promted me to search my bag properly .. i came across a third ring!  Pretty similar to the second one i found, but gold.  This proper freaked me out.  Upon telling people, their suggesstions on what was occuring, freaked me out even more.  My mum's suggestion was that someone could have been trying to set me up as a thief! That would have been fun.  I dismissed this though as surely i would have been accussed before i'd have had chance to take them out of my bag.  My friends suggested that someone else had stolen them but ditched the evidence in my bag to save getting caught ... i'd like to think i don't associate with too many people that steal things, and if i did, they certainly wouldn't have access to my handbag!

The ending of the story has a somewhat boring conclusion (apologies for you having read this far).  When showing my mum the new rings i had found in my bag my nana, casual as anything, goes 'oh they're mine'.  So i somehow managed to get my nana's rings in my handbag.  How they got there is still a complete mystery ....

maybe i bought a ghost back from the wedding ... i'm hoping not.

Sunday, 2 January 2011

To have and to hold

Thursday i went to my second ever wedding ... one of my best friends in the whole world, Charlotte was getting married.  I was also asked to be Bridesmaid, i've wanted to be one of these since i knew what one was, and i had to wait til i was 27 to be one!  I still loved it.

The night before the wedding, i went up to stay with Charlotte in the honeymoon suite, which was quite exquisite, and easily larger than my whole apartment!  We even had a bath in the main room instead of the bathroom!  Just as we were dropping off to sleep (well as i was, i don't think Charlotte got that much sleep) the groom rang to say he'd been speaking to the night porter about ghosts.  Apparantly there are two rooms in the hotel that are known to be haunted, room 31 and Coniston suite, rooms where people have been known to leave in horror in the middle of the night!  We were in neither of these rooms but this still didn't make sleeping any easier ... every noise from then on sounded exactly like the noise a ghost was likely to make :(  and the fact that i was in a room on my own the next day terrified me ... i actually made a special request to not get any of these rooms when i was checking in the next day.  I was in 107 ... miles away from any of the haunted rooms thank god!  Even when me and Charlotte went looking for these rooms in broad daylight the next morning ... in pyjamas .. it still seemed pretty spooky!

Anyway ....

The wedding was beautiful.  Being female i've often thought about what my wedding would be like.  It varies between wanting a church wedding, one in an old celtic castle or barefoot on an exotic beach somewhere.  Yeah 'm indecisive.  I might let any potential groom have a little input .. if i'm feeling generous ... But yeah, if i'm honest, i know i'll probably never be getting married as it is dependant on someone asking me.

Charlottes wedding was in a lovely little church.  And she looked absolutely stunning in her dress ... i was highly tempted to try and steal it ... i'd look a bit random wearing it on a typical Saturday night however.  We walked down the aisle to a beautiful ballad version of 'Auld Langs Syne' (the wedding being on the 30th December it was pretty apt) a version by Mairi Campbell played in an episode of Sex and the City <3 it definately brought a tear to my eye.

I wore a lovely champagney colored dress with a little fur jacket thing to keep out the December weather.  Luckily Charlotte has impeccable taste so i didn't look like a meringue bridesmad as is often famously the case.  I shall add pictures when i get some.

After the church wedding we had a candlelit dinner at the Abbey Hotel in Barrow, before the meal we let off heart shaped lanterns into the night sky after making wishes.  Mine had a hole in it, but i still got it to float away which i was glad of ... i didn't want my wish tainting!! lol.  Was a nice touch, and the heart shaped lights floating off into the night sky looked beautiful.

I had a great time at only my second ever wedding, i went alone but all of Charlottes and Dave's guests, family and friends, were lovely and all made me feel very welcome and we all had a laugh!  I completely forgot i'd never met any of them before.

So, thank you Charlotte and Dave for letting me be a part of it.  I can't think of a more perfectly suited couple than the two of you, i wish you the best of luck in the future .... i'm confident you won't need it x