So ... the dating website. There's a bit of a stigma about being on one. I'm on one for the second time (although not a paid one ... i'm not quite that desperate yet ... hi stigma), and admittedly 90% of the men on there are complete freaks but in a world where men don't go up to women in the street like they do in the movies to ask women out there is not much choice. I certainly don't want to find someone through a drunken haze during the friday night meat market in town .. half because that's not really the syle of the kinda men i like, secondly because i'm somewhat too old for the majority of them. :( and in a little sleepy town, the men aren't all that eligible.
I told my sister today that i was meeting a man and she asked where i met him ... i haven't met him, we've been speaking on a dating website making this our first time of meeting, she screwed up her face and went 'ooh i couldn't do that'. I have checked with him that he isn't an axe murderer though. I have genuinely told him he is banned from murder on this night and he has given me his word that he will leave his axe and/or chainsaw at home. If needs be i will frisk him to make sure ... i probably will need to ... he is rather attractive.
Some men seem to think that the way to a womans heart is via insults. I'm currently engaging one man in conversation who has called me a 'f*cking b*tch' a 'retard' and has just told me to 'sort my face out' another called me 'a hoe' telling me that he could tell i was by my face! I must admit, i quite like these messages, they entertain me and don't seem to know how to handle a woman that can retaliate in an eloquent way and just explode into a tirade of insults. Most however, are nice, it's just a shame i seem to attract the elderly and men that tlk lk dis bbe. Luckily i've spotted a few gems and just hope i'm not on there for too much longer, there's only so long i can cope with the copy and pasted 'oh my god how can a girl like you be here, are the boys near you blind' (without question marks) only to get the exact same message a few days later from the same men after they've forgotten they have messaged me already. Yawn.
Sunday, 8 July 2012
The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education
It's that time of year again, people are finishing University, coming out into the big wide world all fresh faced and bushy tailed. The ambitious thinking theyll be on 40k before the year is out, the Peter Pans that think they can travel the world and that they won't be back a few years later in debt and back at mum and dads. This was once me, if someone told me 7 years later (ouch!) i'd still not know where i was going and what i was doing i wouldn't have believed them. After Uni you get a good job and/or get married and have children yes? Living happily ever after? I did it wrong.
However, i wouldn't change my University days for the world (except maybe my course) all my best memories are from that place. I started University in 2002 an incredibly shy, mousey girl who wouldn't say boo to a goose, i credit that place and the amazing friends i made there for bringing me out of my shell and making me the person i am today. The friends you make there you will remember for the rest of your life (cliche yadda yadda) .. but the thought that they will stay in your world for the rest of your life is ridiculous, they all slowly fade away as they grow up and live their lives a tvarious different points of the country. There's always that one though that you really gel with and will keep with you for life. My Uni friend is Charlotte. I remember the first time i met her, she had the room opposite me and i was moving stuff into my room while she was doing the same, she was playing that Kelly Rowland and Nelly song, i don't remember the name (yet i can sing it) but at the time i loved that song (my music taste then was even worse then than it is now!) .. we bonded for the first time over a mutual love of Kelly and Nelly! She was my original partner in crime, we distracted ourselves with michevious pranks on our poor unsuspecting housemates. Namely Hannah, Hannah was a tall, well spoken 'Daddy has a boat' kind of girl ... a weird girl. I could never decide whether i liked Hannah, she was quite irritating, but anyone that knows me knows that i don't dislike people easily so i was one of few that tolerated her. Well, except for when Charlotte and I were playing tricks on her ..nothing major, infact nothing that i'm going to discuss here because they really were 'you had to be there' kinda things. Charlotte and I could laugh for hours about them, anyone else, however would look at us like we were mental ...we probably were, we probably are. Charlotte is still very much a part of my life, we don't see each other as much as we'd like, she lives in the Lake District, but when we do we eat lots, drink lots and gossip about boys (ahem men) as if we were still sat in our Uni dorms, and i'm still very proud to have been her Maid of honor at her wedding a few years back, i still don't feel like we're old enough for stuff like that Char!
As for University itself, the course i studied and have a 2:1 BSc(hons) degree in is Applied Social Studies. Admitedly when it came to Uni time i didn't know what it was i wanted to do i just needed to get away from college (i'd gone to do extra A'Levels after i'd finished 6th form because i wasn't quite ready for the moving away stuff). I chose a course that i thought sounded nice and varied, which it was, in hindsight though too varied, it's the specfic, individualised courses that get you the jobs when you finish. My course consisted of modules on Psychology, Sociology, Working with Non-Statutory Agencies, Politics, Social Work, Heath Studies, Social Problems and Social Issues, Forensic Psychology, Comparative Social Welfare, Social Research, Crime & Deviance, Working With Offenders .. and breathe ... i was swapping from module to module so frequently that by the time i got my teeth into a subject i was moving on to the next. It did however mean that i have knowledge in a wide variety of subjects even if not to the depth i'd have liked. I have kept every single assignment i ever wrote for my course, i got a 2:1 in each (except research, which i found the most boring, but weirdly got a good 1st in), i read them all recently and although i did well i could have done better. I was one of those students that did nothing until the night before an assignment was due .. i've always liked pressure, i much preferred exams to assignments. But i think if i'd have sat down in advance i'd have been able to delve into much more research on the topic and maybe presented my arguments in a more eloquant and structured manner. My dissertation was on the psychology of murderers and the nature vs nurture debate. I have always been fascinated by killers and why it is that they can commit such horrific acts so i loved doing my dissertation (even if i did do it in a week!). I of course came to a mixed conclusion .. noone knows why, it's a bit of both ... but more nurture .. so i believe. I did my assignments in the days of the 3 and 1/2 inch floppy disk ...urgh .. so i only have hard copies .. i do hate that i don't have them on my computers ... Otherwise i'd let people have a read ... ok maybe i wouldn't.
But the 3 years i spent at University was, as the grown ups always say, the best years of my life. People say when they didn't go to University that they 'studied at the University of life' but for me, University taught me about life. As well as actual academia it taught me about friendships, living alone, boys ... cooking .. working a washing machine (kinda) .. the things you don't learn living at mum & dads, working at Morrisons on the checkouts. So if you ever get the chance, go .... one day, i'll go back.
However, i wouldn't change my University days for the world (except maybe my course) all my best memories are from that place. I started University in 2002 an incredibly shy, mousey girl who wouldn't say boo to a goose, i credit that place and the amazing friends i made there for bringing me out of my shell and making me the person i am today. The friends you make there you will remember for the rest of your life (cliche yadda yadda) .. but the thought that they will stay in your world for the rest of your life is ridiculous, they all slowly fade away as they grow up and live their lives a tvarious different points of the country. There's always that one though that you really gel with and will keep with you for life. My Uni friend is Charlotte. I remember the first time i met her, she had the room opposite me and i was moving stuff into my room while she was doing the same, she was playing that Kelly Rowland and Nelly song, i don't remember the name (yet i can sing it) but at the time i loved that song (my music taste then was even worse then than it is now!) .. we bonded for the first time over a mutual love of Kelly and Nelly! She was my original partner in crime, we distracted ourselves with michevious pranks on our poor unsuspecting housemates. Namely Hannah, Hannah was a tall, well spoken 'Daddy has a boat' kind of girl ... a weird girl. I could never decide whether i liked Hannah, she was quite irritating, but anyone that knows me knows that i don't dislike people easily so i was one of few that tolerated her. Well, except for when Charlotte and I were playing tricks on her ..nothing major, infact nothing that i'm going to discuss here because they really were 'you had to be there' kinda things. Charlotte and I could laugh for hours about them, anyone else, however would look at us like we were mental ...we probably were, we probably are. Charlotte is still very much a part of my life, we don't see each other as much as we'd like, she lives in the Lake District, but when we do we eat lots, drink lots and gossip about boys (ahem men) as if we were still sat in our Uni dorms, and i'm still very proud to have been her Maid of honor at her wedding a few years back, i still don't feel like we're old enough for stuff like that Char!
As for University itself, the course i studied and have a 2:1 BSc(hons) degree in is Applied Social Studies. Admitedly when it came to Uni time i didn't know what it was i wanted to do i just needed to get away from college (i'd gone to do extra A'Levels after i'd finished 6th form because i wasn't quite ready for the moving away stuff). I chose a course that i thought sounded nice and varied, which it was, in hindsight though too varied, it's the specfic, individualised courses that get you the jobs when you finish. My course consisted of modules on Psychology, Sociology, Working with Non-Statutory Agencies, Politics, Social Work, Heath Studies, Social Problems and Social Issues, Forensic Psychology, Comparative Social Welfare, Social Research, Crime & Deviance, Working With Offenders .. and breathe ... i was swapping from module to module so frequently that by the time i got my teeth into a subject i was moving on to the next. It did however mean that i have knowledge in a wide variety of subjects even if not to the depth i'd have liked. I have kept every single assignment i ever wrote for my course, i got a 2:1 in each (except research, which i found the most boring, but weirdly got a good 1st in), i read them all recently and although i did well i could have done better. I was one of those students that did nothing until the night before an assignment was due .. i've always liked pressure, i much preferred exams to assignments. But i think if i'd have sat down in advance i'd have been able to delve into much more research on the topic and maybe presented my arguments in a more eloquant and structured manner. My dissertation was on the psychology of murderers and the nature vs nurture debate. I have always been fascinated by killers and why it is that they can commit such horrific acts so i loved doing my dissertation (even if i did do it in a week!). I of course came to a mixed conclusion .. noone knows why, it's a bit of both ... but more nurture .. so i believe. I did my assignments in the days of the 3 and 1/2 inch floppy disk ...urgh .. so i only have hard copies .. i do hate that i don't have them on my computers ... Otherwise i'd let people have a read ... ok maybe i wouldn't.
But the 3 years i spent at University was, as the grown ups always say, the best years of my life. People say when they didn't go to University that they 'studied at the University of life' but for me, University taught me about life. As well as actual academia it taught me about friendships, living alone, boys ... cooking .. working a washing machine (kinda) .. the things you don't learn living at mum & dads, working at Morrisons on the checkouts. So if you ever get the chance, go .... one day, i'll go back.
How frail the human heart must be - a mirrored pool of thought.
I thought that I could not be hurt
I thought that I could not be hurt;
I thought that I must surely be
impervious to suffering-
immune to pain
or agony.
My world was warm with April sun
my thoughts were spangled green and gold;
my soul filled up with joy, yet
felt the sharp, sweet pain that only joy
can hold.
My spirit soared above the gulls
that, swooping breathlessly so high
o'erhead, now seem to to brush their whir-
ring wings against the blue roof of
the sky.
(How frail the human heart must be-
a throbbing pulse, a trembling thing-
a fragile, shining instrument
of crystal, which can either weep,
or sing.)
Then, suddenly my world turned gray,
and darkness wiped aside my joy.
A dull and aching void was left
where careless hands had reached out to
destroy
my silver web of happiness.
The hands then stopped in wonderment,
for, loving me, they wept to see
the tattered ruins of my firma-
ment
(How frail the human heart must be-
a mirrored pool of thought. So deep
and tremulous an instrument
of glass that it can either sing,
or weep).
I wish i could write like this. This is my favourite of all the poems, closely followed by another of Plath's work 'Apprehensions' .. honorable mention to Shakespeare's 'All the World's a Stage' and the final verse of 'Because She Would Ask Me Why I Loved Her' by Christopher Brennan. I tried my hand at poetry writing when i was a teenager, probably the best time to write, full of emotion yet not yet tainted by the negativities of life. I kinda wish i'd have kept them.
I love the written word.
I thought that I could not be hurt;
I thought that I must surely be
impervious to suffering-
immune to pain
or agony.
My world was warm with April sun
my thoughts were spangled green and gold;
my soul filled up with joy, yet
felt the sharp, sweet pain that only joy
can hold.
My spirit soared above the gulls
that, swooping breathlessly so high
o'erhead, now seem to to brush their whir-
ring wings against the blue roof of
the sky.
(How frail the human heart must be-
a throbbing pulse, a trembling thing-
a fragile, shining instrument
of crystal, which can either weep,
or sing.)
Then, suddenly my world turned gray,
and darkness wiped aside my joy.
A dull and aching void was left
where careless hands had reached out to
destroy
my silver web of happiness.
The hands then stopped in wonderment,
for, loving me, they wept to see
the tattered ruins of my firma-
ment
(How frail the human heart must be-
a mirrored pool of thought. So deep
and tremulous an instrument
of glass that it can either sing,
or weep).
I wish i could write like this. This is my favourite of all the poems, closely followed by another of Plath's work 'Apprehensions' .. honorable mention to Shakespeare's 'All the World's a Stage' and the final verse of 'Because She Would Ask Me Why I Loved Her' by Christopher Brennan. I tried my hand at poetry writing when i was a teenager, probably the best time to write, full of emotion yet not yet tainted by the negativities of life. I kinda wish i'd have kept them.
I love the written word.
Tuesday, 29 May 2012
My wish isn't to mean everything to everyone but something to someone.
Sometimes I wish ….
That I was special, that I was brave enough to take chances, that people meant what they said, that I could sing, that I could run, that once the temperature got to 20 degrees Celsius work would be cancelled, that I could wear my sunglasses all year round, that I had a pretty face, that my nails wouldn’t break, that I had chance to write more, that I had a longer attention span, that people didn’t argue, that families loved each other unconditionally, that I knew where my ring was, that wasps and bees would disappear, that I could lie-in, that I could eat chocolate every day, that I had a talent, that I didn’t keep things to myself, that more days were different, that I could go to the gym in the mornings, that my car would start, that the pigeons would get their own balcony far away from mine, that I had a Greggs sausage roll, that my flowers wouldn’t die, that I was shorter, that Wild At Heart didn’t exist, that I was good enough, that I could draw, that I didn’t have to work, that I could catch up, that I had a puppy, that Alfie had a perfect heart, that the people I love lived closer, that I was never alone, that I had more space, that people would smile more, that I could travel to far away places, that I saw more sunshine, that I wasn’t aware of Justin Bieber, that I could play an instrument, that I was photogenic, that bicycles were banned from the road, that I liked more adventurous food, that I lived in a city, that I was less pale, that I was loved, that my mind didn’t wait until I got in bed to go into overdrive, that I didn’t care, that I wasn’t so clumsy, that I was as good as her.
luckily, sometimes is sometimes.
That I was special, that I was brave enough to take chances, that people meant what they said, that I could sing, that I could run, that once the temperature got to 20 degrees Celsius work would be cancelled, that I could wear my sunglasses all year round, that I had a pretty face, that my nails wouldn’t break, that I had chance to write more, that I had a longer attention span, that people didn’t argue, that families loved each other unconditionally, that I knew where my ring was, that wasps and bees would disappear, that I could lie-in, that I could eat chocolate every day, that I had a talent, that I didn’t keep things to myself, that more days were different, that I could go to the gym in the mornings, that my car would start, that the pigeons would get their own balcony far away from mine, that I had a Greggs sausage roll, that my flowers wouldn’t die, that I was shorter, that Wild At Heart didn’t exist, that I was good enough, that I could draw, that I didn’t have to work, that I could catch up, that I had a puppy, that Alfie had a perfect heart, that the people I love lived closer, that I was never alone, that I had more space, that people would smile more, that I could travel to far away places, that I saw more sunshine, that I wasn’t aware of Justin Bieber, that I could play an instrument, that I was photogenic, that bicycles were banned from the road, that I liked more adventurous food, that I lived in a city, that I was less pale, that I was loved, that my mind didn’t wait until I got in bed to go into overdrive, that I didn’t care, that I wasn’t so clumsy, that I was as good as her.
luckily, sometimes is sometimes.
Friday, 18 November 2011
The greatest accomplishment is not in never falling, but in rising again after you fall
This is a bit of a funny story. Probably, as with most stories it was funnier being there, but none-the-less ... hilarious! .. so i'm sharing. I was at the gym the other day with my friend Anne-Marie, tall, skinny, gorgeous girl, but in step aerobics it seems not so co-ordinated. We were mid-step class, most of us had got the routine down and were speeding it up. Anne lost her footing, i didn't quite see whether she tripped over the box or over thin air, but she went down. But no, it wasn't just your average 'You've Been Framed'-esque fall to the floor, she kind of steadied herself on the way down by grabbing the trousers of the girl behind her. But then decided to fall some more, still keeping hold of this poor woman's trousers ... taking them with her .. to the ground. At this point i, in hysterics, carried on with the routine that involved me turning around ... Anne, however, swears this lass had no knickers on .. of any kind. Glad i didn't see to be fair. Who goes to the gym knickerless?! ... mind you she probably could have never imagined that they'd end up round her ankles. I've never seen anyone run from the gym so quick when the class was over, this lass near on ran! Anne and I ended up leaving the gym half an hour late because we were literally bent over, crying with laughter ... made my week .. worth the monthly gym fee alone!
Some of the gems Anne came out with after the epic event:
'i felt mound'
'i saw her vagine' (actually rhyming with machine never heard it called this before).
and just as we were leaving, eventually, she screwed up her face looked at her hands and goes
'ew there's even something under my nail!'
i've told her that she's not going near me in classes again ... and that i'm going to be wearing 3 pairs of pants .. with a belt .. and a padlock.
Some of the gems Anne came out with after the epic event:
'i felt mound'
'i saw her vagine' (actually rhyming with machine never heard it called this before).
and just as we were leaving, eventually, she screwed up her face looked at her hands and goes
'ew there's even something under my nail!'
i've told her that she's not going near me in classes again ... and that i'm going to be wearing 3 pairs of pants .. with a belt .. and a padlock.
Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul
Yesterday we had a psychology session at work, we did a little bit of a task that got me thinking. The basic premise is that when we are stressed we forget the simple pleasures, ones that don't particularly cost any money. These are things that stimulate the five senses. Most of our pleasures, most of the stimuli that make life worth living, are derived from our five senses. We had to close our eyes and think of our favourite things that stimulate one of our five sesnes. Taste, touch, sight, sound, smell. Just take a second, think of yours. I'm going to list some of my favourite things that stimulate my five senses (some are ones my colleagues came up with but that i agreed with so stolen).
Taste: Chocolate orange, grapes, truffles, yorkshire puddings, lipstick, Pimms.
Touch: Water, a man's hairy chest, play dough, putting your face in that pin toy we all used to have as kids, kisses.
Sight: Bustling city centres, beaches, a man in a suit, snow, tulips.
Sound: Alfie's giggle, Ed Sheeran's voice, David Bowie's voice, being told a funny story by someone who finds it so funny they can't complete what they are saying because they are finding it hard to breath from laughing.
Smell: Roast dinners, Hugo Boss, candy floss, library books, flowers.
These would all put a bit of a smile on my face, so whenever i've got the face on, i shall look at these and try and indulge in at least the one.
Taste: Chocolate orange, grapes, truffles, yorkshire puddings, lipstick, Pimms.
Touch: Water, a man's hairy chest, play dough, putting your face in that pin toy we all used to have as kids, kisses.
Sight: Bustling city centres, beaches, a man in a suit, snow, tulips.
Sound: Alfie's giggle, Ed Sheeran's voice, David Bowie's voice, being told a funny story by someone who finds it so funny they can't complete what they are saying because they are finding it hard to breath from laughing.
Smell: Roast dinners, Hugo Boss, candy floss, library books, flowers.
These would all put a bit of a smile on my face, so whenever i've got the face on, i shall look at these and try and indulge in at least the one.
Saturday, 5 November 2011
You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching
It's that time of year again, Strictly Come Dancing is on! I've always been a bit of a Strictly geek, i've watched it from the very beginning, i know liking the reality shows isn't cool .. but i'm anything but cool. I spend most of October/November/December wishing i'd learnt to dance as a child. I'd love to learn now. I did a dance class for a few years, that i loved, which ended recently but that was girls only, i want to dance with a partner. Preferably a handsome male one. There are many dance classes about where you're partnered, but i'm scared at what the men there would be like, old? pervy? weird? Granted a weird one might suit me.
I think i might need to find a man to take myself. I'm willing to try bribary. I want to learn to do a Tango, an Argentine one. Such an intricate, sexy dance ...however, i feel my briary may have to include a lottery jackpot win. I wish men would realise that there is nothing sexier than a man that can dance (Louis Spence being an exception). Hmmph, if i looked like Ola Jordan or Kristina Rhiannof i'd have no problems finding a parner.
Dance is something we are all born with, stick on something that only vaguely resembles music and my baby nephew springs into action, wiggling around in the cutest of ways, give him 10 years and I bet the most we get out of him is a foot tap. It's not that he learnt to dance, he just knew that that was what he was supposed to do to music. So do it. Dance. Even if you resemble someone having a fit when you do, at least you will probably make someone smile (laugh) that's gotta be a good thing, surely?
“You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching,
Love like you'll never be hurt,
Sing like there's nobody listening,
And live like it's heaven on earth.”
-William W. Purkey
I think i might need to find a man to take myself. I'm willing to try bribary. I want to learn to do a Tango, an Argentine one. Such an intricate, sexy dance ...however, i feel my briary may have to include a lottery jackpot win. I wish men would realise that there is nothing sexier than a man that can dance (Louis Spence being an exception). Hmmph, if i looked like Ola Jordan or Kristina Rhiannof i'd have no problems finding a parner.
Dance is something we are all born with, stick on something that only vaguely resembles music and my baby nephew springs into action, wiggling around in the cutest of ways, give him 10 years and I bet the most we get out of him is a foot tap. It's not that he learnt to dance, he just knew that that was what he was supposed to do to music. So do it. Dance. Even if you resemble someone having a fit when you do, at least you will probably make someone smile (laugh) that's gotta be a good thing, surely?
“You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching,
Love like you'll never be hurt,
Sing like there's nobody listening,
And live like it's heaven on earth.”
-William W. Purkey
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