So ... the dating website. There's a bit of a stigma about being on one. I'm on one for the second time (although not a paid one ... i'm not quite that desperate yet ... hi stigma), and admittedly 90% of the men on there are complete freaks but in a world where men don't go up to women in the street like they do in the movies to ask women out there is not much choice. I certainly don't want to find someone through a drunken haze during the friday night meat market in town .. half because that's not really the syle of the kinda men i like, secondly because i'm somewhat too old for the majority of them. :( and in a little sleepy town, the men aren't all that eligible.
I told my sister today that i was meeting a man and she asked where i met him ... i haven't met him, we've been speaking on a dating website making this our first time of meeting, she screwed up her face and went 'ooh i couldn't do that'. I have checked with him that he isn't an axe murderer though. I have genuinely told him he is banned from murder on this night and he has given me his word that he will leave his axe and/or chainsaw at home. If needs be i will frisk him to make sure ... i probably will need to ... he is rather attractive.
Some men seem to think that the way to a womans heart is via insults. I'm currently engaging one man in conversation who has called me a 'f*cking b*tch' a 'retard' and has just told me to 'sort my face out' another called me 'a hoe' telling me that he could tell i was by my face! I must admit, i quite like these messages, they entertain me and don't seem to know how to handle a woman that can retaliate in an eloquent way and just explode into a tirade of insults. Most however, are nice, it's just a shame i seem to attract the elderly and men that tlk lk dis bbe. Luckily i've spotted a few gems and just hope i'm not on there for too much longer, there's only so long i can cope with the copy and pasted 'oh my god how can a girl like you be here, are the boys near you blind' (without question marks) only to get the exact same message a few days later from the same men after they've forgotten they have messaged me already. Yawn.
I'm also on said dating site, that's how I found this blog (via your cheap plug!).
ReplyDeleteI'd be interested in knowing if the guys that are abusive do it at the start of a conversation or after you've been chatting for a while.
Speaking from my own experience on the guys side, getting someone to actually respond to you can be quite difficult and it's ultimately a numbers game (which is why you'll get copy and pasted messages), however, it doesn't make it any less frustrating when you don't get a response. Rudely ignored.
So that said, if someones being abusive right from the start, maybe it's to illicit a response.
If it's mid conversation, maybe you hurt their pride by being literate. All speculation of course.
Tbf, it is a cheap plug .. although i think highly appropriate in a profile description, as i think you can tell much more about me via my blog than 'about me' section :)
ReplyDeleteI realise the no response thing is incredibly frustrating, i get that too, although i don't send many message so this is probably the reason it doesn't irk me. And i am guilty of not replying. It really is the gender thing, i can log in and have 20 messages one day sat waiting for me (i'm not saying that in a vain way, i imagine it's the same for all the women on there), but you'd waste so much time replying to every one, and most really are just copy and pasted or just 'hi'.
As for the abusive ones, it's a mix of both. Some people begin with it, some mid conversation. Admittedly i don't take fools gladly and if someone says something irritating i'll rise :(
The nature of the game is suppose.
I agree, I added my twitter username to my profile so people could follow me. I eventually took it off because even though I was getting 'views' I wasn't getting followers, so figured it pointless. Maybe they don't care, maybe they don't use twitter, maybe I didn't stick it long enough. I'm not sure. How has it worked for you?
ReplyDeleteWhen I first joined the site, I couldn't help but take getting no response personally. The gender thing only really hit me after seeing the same sentences repeated on many profiles, things like:
"don't send me a message saying 'hi'"
"no weirdos"
"if you're after one thing, don't bother"
"I won't sell you my underwear"
"No you cannot lick my feet" (may have made this one up)
This made me realise that women were probably being hounded by sex pests and old pervs, then on top of that, like you say, people that just send 'hi' or stock copy and paste, uninspiring messages. Add to that genuine messages that come from people they're not interested in talking to and that's the (possibly) majority of messages that need filtering. I can see that being tedious and I completely understand that replying to all messages would be unfeasible, so no longer take it personally. My attitude towards it now is more of a 'meh, no skin off my nose' but clearly not for others. Don't get me wrong though, I'm guilty of not replying too for various reasons.
I genuinely can't believe that someone would start a conversation with a stranger on a dating site using abuse. I see how it could get people to bite and respond but would it really lead anywhere? A date with the guy that told you to sort your face out? A relationship with the guy that says he can tell by your face that you're a hoe? How about a child with a guy dat tlks lk dis?
You may just be doing the world a favour by rising to fools that irritate you, you may just make them better people. The flip side is of course when you put them on the back foot and they "defend" themselves by becoming abusive, they'll probably never change.